It’s TVs most important night of the year and the Official 2011 Emmy Awards drinking game is finally here thanks to Esquire. All you need is a bottle of booze, a glass (optional) and the simple instructions listed below:
Have a hearty sip:
Whenever there’s a Charlie Sheen joke.
Whenever Padma Lakshmi appears.
During gratuitous Sofia Vergara cleavage cutaway.
Ditto Christina Hendricks.
During gratuitous Tina Fey cuteness cutaway.
During non-gratuitous Zooey Deschanel cuteness cutaway. (Because she’s really that frickin’ cute.)
Ditto Alison Brie.
Every time Louis C.K. pisses somebody off.
Take a shot:
Whenever someone says “Governors Ball.”
Whenever someone references the “Emmys curse.”
Every time someone talks about how good The Killing is. We get it.
Every time someone talks about how good Men of a Certain Age is. We really don’t.
Every time Stephen Colbert breaks out of character.
Every time Kristen Wiig does something funny without speaking.
Every time Jon Hamm does that pursed-lip thing he does.
Every time Ian Somerhalder does that eye thing he does.
Ditto that guy who plays House.
Whenever someone awkwardly references Peter Dinklage’s stature.
Every time you find yourself wishing Jane Lynch would go back to doing Christopher Guest comedies.
Pour one out:
When Kyle Chandler loses.
When Friday Night Lights loses.
When Louis C.K. loses.
If Matt LeBlanc wins.
Drink the whole bottle:
If you find yourself humming along to the orchestra’s interpretation of the Glee theme song.
When you realize The Amazing Race is still on the air.
If you’re participating in an Emmy pool.
Slug whatever’s left, turn off the TV, and go to the bar:
When you realize Mike Vick just led a 99-yard drive over on NBC, Matty Ice has got a two-minute drill to run, and Mad Men‘s still not coming back for another six to eight months.
*Esquire condones neither binge drinking nor entirely attentive viewing of the Emmys